Hi, Ya’ll I thought I would give you another peek at my current WIP. I am not writing yet, I am still self-editing and will be for a while yet. This week I thought I would give a little description of Annie’s favorite place. I hope you enjoy. As usual, I am open to any feedback, but please remember this is a raw first draft.
Baseball Bats and Cowboy Hats Copyright 2016
I looked around for Annie but didn’t see her anywhere. She hadn’t come back through here so she must have gone outside. Should I follow again or give her space. I should give her time alone. I tried. I really did. For all of two minutes. I grab my Stetson. It’s old. One of the few things I have left of my dad’s.
It was beautiful outside. There was a hint of a moon, like a little sliver of lighting in the dark sky. I looked around not sure which way she was. I walked the opposite direction of the barn to the back of the house. There was a white picket privacy fence with lovely flowers around the edges. I opened the gate and lost my breath when I went inside. There was the most beautiful garden I ever saw outside of a magazine. It was like the ones Mama always talked about wanting but not ever managing to make. One side had beds of green plants and some vegetables I could recognize such as tomatoes. The other side had beds of assorted flowers with stone paths around each section. The back of the garden there were some tall leafy plants some roses in front of that. In the center of it all was a massive octagon fixture with five swings. A beautiful stone fire pit in the center. In one of the swings sat Annie curled up against some pillows with flower prints.
“Wow! This is beautiful!”
“Thank you. What are you doing out here? I figured you all would want to talk about baseball or games or whatever baseball players talk about.”
“We meet up Monday for our first practice. Simon went to our room to read. He keeps to himself a lot. I hope you don’t mind I came outside to look around. If I’m disturbing you, I can go back in.” I hope it’s not a lie that I didn’t tell her I was looking for her.
“Oh no, it’s fine. I was going to show you all this tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow evening we can roast some hot dogs or sausages out here and make S’More’s or is that too kiddie? My boys loved doing that up till they left. Well, Christopher did. David wasn’t that big on the hot dogs, but neither would ever pass up S’mores.”
“I haven’t ever had a some more.”
“It’s s’more, no some. S’mores are graham crackers with a piece of chocolate then you toast marshmallows and put them on it hot. It melts the chocolate. It’s chocolate and gooey goodness.”
My mouth watered. Not about the cookie thing Annie was telling me about but the way her eyes lit up, -and the way her tongue darted out to moisten her pretty pink lips. I wanted a taste. More than I ever wanted to taste anything in my life.
So what do you think? Is it too much description? All fluff or does it tell you something about both Annie and TJ?